"Have you had a nice day at pre-school today Mags?" Yes Mummy...the sound of the week is 'H' "Oh fab...what begins with 'H'?" Hand, Home, Hattie, Horse, Happy, House... "Excellent Mags...clever girl!" Oh and another one Mummy... Hand-gun!! #whatnow? #sorrywhat? #notatallworrying #takecover #dangerousdave

"Er Mummy...can you switch on your big fat listening ears... im trying to tell you off!" 1) My ears are my thinnest feature 2) I am 30 years your senior 3) No #dangerousdave #thanksforyourinput #whosinchargeagain #dontanswerthat

"Mummy how come when people get older their boobies get quite a bit big?" Well that's just what happens when you grow up Mags.... "It's weird that yours haven't got that big Mummy!?" Yes Maggie...very weird... "Yeah your belly is bigger!" #yep #great #happydays #kickmewhileimdown #mustsortthebellyout #bellysgonnagetya #fml #dangerousdave 

"Seth can you stop opening the car window to rap at old men walking past?" #sentence4012youdidntenvisageyourselfsaying #eminemisshittinghimself #word 

"I didn't get any beans down me today Mummy.. .so that's good isn't it?" Amazing Seth ....i should think so too now that your nearly 7! ****removes jumper***** "Yeah...i only got a tiny bit of tomato down me!" #onlyatinybit #howbigwasthetomato #ffs #givemestrength #igiveup #yourmouthishuge #vanish?

"Mum can you cut this apple up for me?" No Seth ...leave Mummy alone she needs a little rest! Ahh thanks Mags that's really thoughtful.. . "Yeah I know...can you make me a drink!" #selfless #kids #dangerousdave 

Don't get me wrong...noone is happier than me that this boy is starting back to school today.. . But I'm not sure I have the energy for the daily morning row about it being friggin freezing and him needing to wear trousers and not shorts! I've started really strongly! #not #okiwillmisshimabit #boys

"Maggie say goodnight to your Mummy" No Daddy...that isn't my Mummy.. .that's my glamorous assistant !! #glamorousno #assistantyes #andslave/servant/dogsbody/pushover #dangerousdave  #rude

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